Guilty Pleasures
by bradleyjamesstan
Summary: Arthur Pendragon, quarterback on the football team and one of the most popular boys in school, has two guilty pleasures – poetry, and a secret crush on Gwen deMarsh. However, when his journal goes missing, things start to go... a little downhill, to say the least.
1. Chapter One

**Chapter One**

It all started because Merlin forgot to show up to their study session.

Well, he didn't forget, per say. He forgot to mention he was taking extra volunteering hours at the hospital on Monday – which he normally only did on Tuesday and Thursday. Arthur had already been sitting a half an hour in the library, alone, waiting for Merlin to show up, before Merlin remembered to text him and tell him.

 _Text from Merlin, 4:26 pm_

 _I got you another tutor, she should be there soon_

 _Text to Merlin, 4:27 pm_

 _Did you tell her the time?_

 _Text from Merlin, 4:27 pm_

 _She's taking the bus from school – It was rlly last minute. Be thankful I remembered to get someone else :P_

 _Text to Merlin, 4:29 pm_

 _I'm not thankful you made me wait half an hour without telling me what was going on_

 _Text from Merlin, 4:30 pm_

 _Oops_

Arthur groaned and put his phone down, thumbing through the pages of his math textbook. Merlin was the first tutor that had ever actually helped him – this girl was going to be the same as the rest of them, attempting to help him but not being able because he was "too thick", according to Merlin. He thought about telling her to go home once she got there, seeing as it would most likely be a waste of time and he would feel bad, but then it would have been an even bigger waste of time for her to have come and just be told to go home. He would let her stay. Or else he would feel bad.

It took her a while to get there, and all the while Arthur was angrily texting Merlin about the predicament they were in and how it was all his fault. He didn't mean to get angry with Merlin so much, but sometimes he was so frustrated and didn't have anyone else to take it out on. He had yelled at his father once, accidentally, after a particularly hard game, and his father grounded him for weeks. He knew not to do that again if he wanted to be allowed to leave the house. Arthur sighed softly and ran a hand through his hair, tapping his foot impatiently on the floor. How long would he have to wait for this girl?

He looked up and peered down the hallway further into the library and saw a girl walking towards him. She looked about his age, and kind of familiar, and also very pretty… Like, prettier than Morgana and Sophia and all of the other popular girls back at school. No, she wasn't just pretty – she was beautiful… Arthur realized he had been staring too long and glanced back at his math textbook. She barely made any noise as she walked up and sat down at the table.

There was silence, awkward silence, before she spoke. "Erm, I'm Gwen…"

He looked up and smiled. "I know," he told her, and then looked away in embarrassment. "I mean, I've seen you around school. And you're Morgana's tutor too, right?"

Gwen nodded. "Yeah, when she isn't too busy hanging out with Val to actually have time to study," she replied, then frowned. "Sorry, that was… mean. She's great. I just wish she texted beforehand to tell me she isn't coming after I wait behind at the school for half an hour."

"Don't we all," Arthur mumbled, half to himself, and when he peeked over at Gwen she looked offended. "No, I'm sorry, I meant Merlin – he didn't bother telling me he wasn't coming until 4:30."

That seemed to reassure her. "Okay, good," she said. "I am sorry about taking too long to get here."

"There's no need to be sorry."

More silence soon followed. Gwen unpacked her bag quietly, placing a textbook, a calculator, a pad of paper, and a pencil on the desk. Quickly Arthur scanned the title – _Intro to Standard Calculus._ Wasn't that one of the classes they offered at the city's biggest college? Was she already doing college-level math courses? Maybe she would be more of a help than he thought she would be, after all.

Arthur suddenly felt very thick, with the math textbook that Merlin only described as the math book for "quarterbacks who spent too much time thinking about hot girls instead of their actual, soon-approaching future". He pulled it self-consciously towards himself, hiding the cover with his hands and praying she didn't think he was stupid. That would be… embarrassing, to say the least. Although she seemed too nice to think such mean thoughts about anyone. But he was still embarrassed and still felt very dumb.

Reluctantly, Arthur slid the textbook into the space between them. Hurriedly she went to open it. She attempted to position it so they could both see it well, but there was too much distance between them. There was more awkward silence. Then suddenly, at the exact same time, they went to move their chairs closer to the other, resulting in an all-too-close almost collision and a nervous laugh from the both of them. They moved back to their original spots and then slowly, Gwen started to move her chair closer to Arthur's, keeping an eye on him to make sure he didn't start moving again, as well.

That was… very awkward.

"So," Gwen started.

"So," Arthur repeated.

"Are you… do you need help studying?"

"Yeah."

"Okay."

Gwen stared blankly at the words in the textbook.

"So, your notes?" she murmured.

"Oh," he said. "Oh, right, sorry."

Arthur pulled his notebook from his backpack and flipped through the pages, looking for the beginning of this unit's notes. Gwen was rhythmically drumming her fingernails on the desk, reading through the text on the pages, glancing as the pictures, mouthing answers to the questions as she went through them. He stopped flipping and placed the notes overtop of the textbook, hiding it from view. They wouldn't need it. He didn't know why he took it out, to be honest.

The next hour was better than the first couple minutes had been, although not by much. It was still rather awkward, but Gwen seemed to warm up to him a little bit, laughing at some of his lame jokes and hinting at the answers whenever he got stuck. For the first time since Merlin, he had found a tutor that actually helped him learn – which was very, very surprising. He hoped that in the future Merlin would hire her whenever he couldn't come, although Arthur highly doubted it. He would get one of his male friends, like Lance, who was also on the football team with Arthur, or William, although he had been gone from school for two weeks with a concussion from hockey. Briefly, he thought about asking Gwen to tutor him himself, but decided against it. That might be… weird. And he did not want to be weird around her.

That, in itself, was weird.

They packed up in the silence, the only background noise being the soft buzzing of the library's air conditioning system. Arthur threw his backpack over one shoulder and stood up, waiting for Gwen to finish putting her things away so they could walk out together, something he hadn't even realized he was waiting for until he was explaining it to her after she asked why he was waiting.

"Oh, okay," she responded with a smile, and her hands moved around a little bit faster after that.

They did end up walking out together, making small talk about football and tutoring and math. Arthur brought up her math textbook, the college-level one, and she shyly explained that yes, she was taking college-level math, but only because her dad wanted her too. She said that she would rather take normal, high school math, but doing advanced courses would look better on college applications and would make it more likely for her to get a scholarship, seeing as her dad didn't have the most money and was already having trouble paying for her schooling now, let alone having to pay for all of the college expenses for everything. Then she blushed and apologized for talking so much about her family. Arthur said he didn't mind.

They parted at the bus stop – Gwen would catch a bus there and Arthur would walk home, seeing as the library wasn't too far away from his house.

"Thanks for your help today," he told her with a smile. "And thanks for coming so last minute."

"My pleasure, Arthur," she replied with a smile in return.

"When does your bus come?" he asked. Clouds were started to gather overhead, threatening an oncoming rainstorm. He caught himself feeling worried about her being stuck in the rain. There wasn't anything he could do, though, and he felt… bad.

"A few minutes," she said. "And I have an umbrella if the weather turns."

"Okay, that's good, then," Arthur responded.

"Yeah," Gwen replied awkwardly, looking down at her boots.

"Okay, well, I'll see you around, Gwen," Arthur murmured softly, scratching the back of his neck with his hand.

"Yeah, see you," Gwen said quietly.

* * *

 _Text from Merlin, 11:04 pm_

 _Hey, how was she?_

 _Text to Merlin, 11:07 pm_

 _Good. I actually learned stuff_

 _Text from Merlin, 11:08 pm_

 _How late was she?_

 _Text to Merlin, 11:09 pm_

 _Not very_

 _Text from Merlin, 11:11 pm_

 _Ill get one of the guys to do it next time_

 _Text to Merlin, 11:13 pm_

 _Why?_

 _Text from Merlin, 11:14 pm_

 _I dunno, just thought youd want one of them_

 _Text to Merlin, 11:15 pm_

 _Nah, shes nice. Better than will_

 _Text from Merlin, 11:16 pm_

 _True_

 _Text to Merlin, 11:17 pm_

 _Is Wednesday good for u?_

 _Text from Merlin, 11:18 pm_

 _Gaius freaked out when I declined extra volunteer hours; he says I need more for the credit_

 _Text to Merlin, 11:20 pm_

 _Isnt tutoring volunteer hours?_

 _Text from Merlin, 11:21 pm_

 _More like community service_

 _Text to Merlin, 11:22 pm_

 _Shut up_

* * *

welcome one and all to my new fic, guilty pleasures!

this is a fic i will be updating every monday throughout the summer, unless i do not have access to wifi (which i will a few weeks, but i will update you guys one when those will be)

im very excited for this fic, and i hope you all are too! im excited to take this journey with you guys and i hope you all like it xx


	2. Chapter Two

sorry for the delay in update!

* * *

 **Chapter Two**

Silence filled the room, only interrupted by the sound of pencils scratching paper and abrupt coughs. Arthur could've sworn he heard a whimper once, but he hoped it was just the sound of his imagination, or that would be very worrying and pretty sad.

His blue eyes flickered up to the clock above the door. 2:17. The hands seemed to drag themselves around in a circle, slowly, as if they moved too fast it would disrupt the test-takers. It felt like every minute was five minutes and every ten minutes felt like an hour. How long had he been in there? It felt like ages, but he knew it had only been around half an hour. He ran a hand through his hair, eyes flickering back to the page, and bit his lip. He had tried five questions and found the wrong answer almost every time – and they were _multiple choice_. That was the easiest part of every test, especially math.

He didn't even want to pass; he just wanted to get out of there.

Arthur tapped the end of his pencil against his teeth. Honestly, why did math have to be so hard? He wasn't going to use it later in life. It was needlessly difficult. Maybe it was something adults did, just to watch their kids squirm in discomfort. Arthur wouldn't put it past his dad to have that sort of attitude. He felt bad thinking it, but it was just the truth.

Glancing back up at the clock, he saw something through the window on the door on his way up, but he ignored it. He just needed to know the time. When he looked back down, however, he saw a face – it was hard to make out, with all of the light coming into the room, but after squinting he realized that it was a familiar face – in fact, it was Gwen. What was she doing here? He smiled at her through the window and then her head darted out of sight, which was disappointing. That was the first friendly thing he'd seen since he entered the god-forsaken room.

He looked back down at the test, studying the questions. For some reason, seeing Gwen made him remember how to solve some of the questions and how to properly use the formulas. Maybe because the other day had been popping up in his mind so often since it happened that he actually remembered what she and him and gone through. Quickly, he sped through the multiple choice and true or false sections of the test, and it was only the last batch of word problems that had got to him, but then again, they always have, no matter how many times Merlin tried to teach them to him. For the last pages, he tried his hardest, although he knew that he had not done great, and he had finished the test with his best efforts by the time 2:45 rolled around. He confidently strolled to the front of the class, handed in his paper, and walked out the door with his backpack slung over one shoulder.

When he exited the room, Arthur looked around the hallway for Gwen. However, he couldn't seem to spot her in the crowd of kids meandering to their next class. He was sure he had seen her, so she must have ran away once he spotted her through the window. He wanted to talk to her and tell her how he did, but it seemed she didn't want to talk to him right now, which was rather disappointing. But he couldn't blame her. If she saw him somewhere where he wouldn't normally be just to see her, he would probably run away too.

Wait, what?

* * *

 _Text to Merlin, 12:03 pm_

 _Hey_

 _Text from Merlin, 12:05 pm_

 _Hey, whats up_

 _Text to Merlin, 12:06 pm_

 _Not much, wbu_

 _Text from Merlin, 12:07 pm_

 _Wondering why youre texting me about anything other than tutoring_

 _Text to Merlin, 12:08 pm_

 _Im getting to that_

 _Text to Merlin, 12:10 pm_

 _If Gaius wants you to take extra volunteering hours im okay with it_

 _Text from Merlin, 12:12 pm_

 _? wheres this coming from_

 _Text to Merlin, 12:14 pm_

 _Im just telling u_

 _Text from Merlin, 12:16 pm_

 _Thanks, Im gonna have to bail this week_

 _Text to Merlin, 12:17 pm_

 _Okay_

 _Text from Merlin, 12:18 pm_

 _Lance and Will r busy, who do u want_

 _Text to Merlin, 12:20 pm_

 _Is Gwen free?_

 _Text from Merln, 12:21 pm_

 _Ill ask_

 _Text to Merlin, 12:35 pm_

 _Okay thanks_

* * *

Football practice was rough.

Early on, he tripped flat on his face while they were warming up – in front of the entire team, the coach, and Morgana, who was sitting in the stands, waiting for Val to finish. Arthur noticed she looked like she was waiting for someone, but he didn't dwell on the thought too long. If he did badly in practice, he would get hell after from Coach, and he did not want to get yelled at today. Uther had already screamed at him for something so mundane and stupid, and he did not want to feel even worse than he already did. And from then on, his mood only got worse.

He failed to catch a ball during passing, tripped again, and wasn't looking when he should've, which resulted in him getting tackled to the ground. What was wrong with him today? He had never done badly just because his father had yelled at him before, so what was so different about today? Maybe he was just having an off day. Hopefully that was the answer, because he had no explanation other than that and frankly he did not feel like doing soul-searching for his life problems. Not that there were any, anyway. He would just have to suck it up and do his best for the rest of practice to the extent that he could. And he would have to pretend to feel good, as well, or else it would bring the morale of the team down, and he did not want to be blamed for their bad moods.

Water break came soon enough, thank god. Arthur pulled off his helmet and tossed it to the side, grabbing his water bottle and squirting some water into his mouth, as well as splashing some onto his face. He glanced curiously up at the stands again – this time Morgana was with someone, and he had to squint to try and see who it was. After a few moments, it kicked in that it was Gwen, and she was probably there to help tutor Morgana as she waited for Val to finish practice. He groaned and turned away. Now that she was there he would feel ten times more embarrassed if he screwed up than he normally did when she hadn't been there. Now he was on-edge and nervous and jumpy.

"Hey, are you alright?" Lance said, walking up to Arthur and slapping his shoulder pad gently. "You're not doing great out there today."

Arthur nodded and took another swig of water. "Yeah, I'm alright," he responded. "Just… tired, that's all."

Lance smiled. "Well, cheer up, dude," he laughed. "Gotta do our best. That's what coach says."

Arthur grinned. "Maybe coach should run ten laps every second day," he chuckled.

Lance laughed. "Yeah, I'd like to see him try," he agreed. "See you out there."

Just like it had during the math test, seeing Gwen made Arthur do better than he had been doing before. Whether it was the thought of not wanting to embarrass himself in front of her, at all, ever, or the happy feeling he got in his stomach whenever he saw her, something was pushing him to do well. Halfway through the next hour of practice, though, something in his mind seemed to click and the gears in his head started turning. Butterflies in his stomach, thinking about her, wanting to impress her… was it all part of something he didn't even realize? Was he starting to have… feelings for her? For Gwen?

Surely not. It was too early to tell – they had only met about two weeks ago, and feelings couldn't have formed that fast, especially when they only had one real conversation. Seeing her around made him feel better, sure, but that was nothing. He always felt better when he was hanging out with his friends, like Lance and Val and Leon, so it was probably just something like that. Of course he didn't like her. What a silly thought. He was just being stupid and _thick_ , like always. His mind was just playing tricks on him. Of course he didn't like Gwen. How could he? No, he did not like her.

Still, the thought continued to nag him throughout the rest of practice.

Finally practice came to an end. Arthur changed out of his sweaty uniform and shoved it in his locker, wincing whenever he touched something damp, slamming the door shut once he had managed to somehow cram it all in. He ran a hand through his hair, fixing it so it at least looked decent, and pulled out his phone. There was a message waiting, but he ignored it and slid it back in his pocket. He just wanted to get home and play video games or do something to get his mind off the thought of liking Gwen. Not that it would be a bad thing, but he was so sure he didn't. And she would never like him back, anyway.

They were two opposites. She was smart and a tutor and dorky and wore glasses and he was the quarterback on the football team and he was thick and not very smart and didn't know what he was going to do once he left high school. They would just never work out. Not that anything would happen between them anyway, though, because he did not like her and she would not like him and… nothing could ever happen between them.

Backpack slung over his shoulder, Arthur left the change room and made his way out onto the football field to retrieve his water bottle from the sidelines, only to see Gwen hanging around by the water container, sipping water from a small cup and watching Morgana and Val laugh with a couple of the other guys. She wasn't standing near them, though, so she must have wandered a few steps away. Who knew how long she had been standing there saying nothing? He smiled and made his way casually over to her, wondering what funny thing he would say to start conversation. Maybe he would talk about tutoring or the practice or seeing her outside the math classroom. He would at least have to think of something charming and non-awkward to say to her.

"Hey there, stranger," he said as he walked up, flashing her a grin and snatching his water bottle from the bench.

"Hi, Arthur," Gwen said, pushing up her glasses.

"Enjoy watching a bunch of sweaty teenage boys chase each other around?"

Gwen giggled. "It's my favourite pasttime."

"What are you doing here, anyway?" Arthur asked, then realized it could've sounded rude and said, "I didn't mean for that to come out as harshly as it did, sorry." He awkwardly scratched the back of his neck as she pursed her lips.

"Morgana wanted me to meet her here and we would go back to her house to study… although I think Val is taking up my time slot." Gwen stared at Morgana and her lover with careful eyes, then sighed. "This happens a lot," she mumbled, half to herself and half to Arthur – at least that's how it seemed. "Oh, I'm – sorry, I didn't mean to say that out loud."

Arthur shrugged. "It's okay, don't worry about it." He drank from his water bottle again. "So, uh, how've you been?"

Why on earth was this so awkward?

Gwen looked surprised that he was speaking to her again but shrugged. "Life's been good," she said with a gentle smile. "And how about you? How was that math test?"

Arthur was going to jokingly mention seeing her head pop through the window but decided against it. She probably didn't intend on getting caught and he didn't want to embarrass her. "A solid 81 percent."

Gwen's smile grew wider and she nodded curtly. "That's great, Arthur," she told him.

"Yeah," he said, "it's better than what I normally do with Merlin. I normally get mid-seventies with him. You must be magic."

"Yes, I suppose I must be," she replied with a giggle.

There was silence and the two stood awkwardly distanced from each other while they stared at Val and Morgana talking a little way's away. She did not look like she was going to be ready to stop hanging off his arm any time soon – something that made Gwen look not only sad but angry because of. This happened a lot? "Why do you keep doing it?" Arthur asked abruptly.

"What?" Gwen asked, turning to face him.

"Oh, erm…" He shuffled on his feet. "I mean, why do you keep… tutoring Morgana? You don't seem to enjoy waiting around very much, and if it happens a lot, it must really suck. And isn't it a waste of your time?"

Gwen nodded. "I… guess," she responded. "Yes, it is, but… I don't know… I suppose it's because there's a part of me that's afraid of her, you know? And how she would react if I cancelled. Or said I didn't want to do it. And I know she doesn't mean to do it and just really likes him, but I just wish she would… care a little bit more about me and my time."

"I get that completely," Arthur said. He didn't have experience with that sort of thing, but it was annoying just to watch and hear about happening. But he did know Morgana, too, and knew as well that she didn't mean to do anyone wrong. "We used to be quite good friends, Morgana and I, actually." His eyes went back to Gwen. "Like all those innocent childhood friendships in those movies. Our parents were good friends, and we lived close to each other and went to the same school, so it was just kind of… easy to be in a relationship like that." He smiled wistfully. "Then her parents got divorced, and they sold their house, and she moved in with her dad across town. We didn't talk as much. I suppose we both just changed." The boy shrugged. "But what can you do about it, you know? People change. It happens."

"I wish she would change to be a bit more thoughtful about other people's time," Gwen said, her voice mocking a bitter tone, and they both laughed quietly. "But I do like her. She has a good heart. Stubborn, but means well."

"Speak of the devil," Arthur whispered when Morgana scurried over.

"You two know each other?" she asked in disbelief, smiling a wide smile. "I didn't know that."

"Gwen tutored me a couple weeks ago when Merlin was busy," Arthur explained. "Enjoy practice?"

"Of course, don't I always?" Morgana laughed, then grabbed Gwen's arm. "Val is busy tonight, so are we still on for tutoring?"

Gwen nodded at her friend. "Yes, of course."

Morgana smiled even wider and nodded in return. "I'll go pull my car around." She reached out and squeezed Arthur's bicep. "We should hang out soon, okay? You and Val and I can go out to a movie. I'll find you at school this week."

Arthur smiled. "Sounds great."

After she left, Gwen turned to Arthur. "Thanks for… keeping me company while I waited. And for listening to me complain."

Arthur chuckled. "I did my fair share of complaining, as well," he replied. "I'll see you around, okay?"

"Yes, see you," Gwen chirped, and then the two parted ways.


	3. Chapter Three

**Chapter Three**

 _Text from Unknown Number, 11:06 pm_

 _Arthur? It's Gwen. Merlin wanted me to text you to let you know I'll be filling in for him tomorrow afternoon at the library. 4:00 works for you? If not, let me know. We can arrange another time if you have plans. I hope you're having a nice night_ _J_

 _Text to Unknown Number, 11:54 pm_

 _Yes, that works! Thanks loads, Gwen. I hope you're having a nice night as well_

She didn't text back, but it was okay. She was probably asleep.

And now he had her number.

* * *

"So, you got a couple questions wrong, but it's just minor errors. And I don't even think it's you not understanding the formula, you're just applying it incorrectly in some instances, and most of the mistakes you make are very small. You just have to watch what buttons on the calculator you press – one time, I mistook _sin_ for _cos_ on my calculator and it took off the one mark I needed to get one hundred percent. So when you're going over all your answers again, make sure to double check the equation to make sure it's all right. Do you double check your work?"

Arthur shrugged. "Sometimes I forget or get too lazy," he answered honestly.

"You can run five laps around the track without getting tired but you're too lazy to check over an equation?" Gwen asked in disbelief.

"Well, it's different," he told her. "I'm fast and good at… running. I'm not good at math."

"Which is why you need to _double-check_ your work, Arthur," Gwen laughed as she shook her head. "Here, I'll make a couple sample questions and you can answer them and then check them over a second time. And I want to see you check them over, okay?"

"Okay," Arthur replied, watching as she scribbled down mathematic mumbo-jumbo.

Gwen was so different compared to the other girls Arthur knew. He didn't even mean that in a bad way – he liked the girls he knew, they were loud and fun and knew how to throw parties and they were very easy to talk to – but Gwen was… different. She was shy and she was soft and gentle. She giggled really quietly and covered her mouth with her hand when she laughed loudly which was really… Arthur didn't want to say cute, but it was really cute. And she was just sweet and kind and there was something about her Arthur just couldn't shake. He couldn't stop thinking about her, no matter how hard he tried, and it didn't help that they texted all day during classes (although a lot of her responses were things like "pay attention" or "stop texting me and do your work"). He just… wanted to be more close to her. It was such a primal instinct, but he hadn't felt this about a girl in a long time. If he ever even did. He wasn't sure wanting to kiss Suzy in second grade was on quite the same level as this.

And he didn't want to say he liked her, because that was scary. He didn't want to like her like that. He really wanted to be her friend and besides, she would never like him anyway. She probably liked Merlin or Lance or another tutor who spent afternoons at the Secret Tutor Clubhouse, where he guessed they drank soda water and discussed the theory of the universe. (This clubhouse wasn't an actual place, it's just where Arthur imagined all the tutors to go and convene.) She would never like him. He was not smart and he played sports and they weren't from the same walks of life. She would never like him. So he didn't want to admit that he liked her.

But he couldn't help it.

"Okay, try these. They're a bit harder than you probably are comfortable with, but I want you to push yourself, okay?" Gwen slid the piece of paper over to him and twirled her pencil between her fingers as she waited for him to begin. But he didn't want her to see him write down all the wrong answers and use the formulas wrong. When he was sure she finally looked away, he started to scribble down some numbers and, eventually, got into the groove of it.

"So how'd you meet Merlin?" Gwen asked somewhat awkwardly, running her thumbnail through an indent in the tabletop. She always sounded a bit awkward when she talked about anything other than tutoring. In the beginning, anyway. It got easier the longer they were there.

Arthur tapped his pencil against his chin and then started scratching more numbers down. "I got him to start tutoring me last year, I think," Arthur said. "Before my exam. He helped me to get a 75 percent, although it took long days of strenuous hours to even get that, and… after that I just decided to stick with him because we work well together and get along most of the time." He shrugged. "I don't know. We wouldn't normally be friends, so I guess it was just kind of nice to be friends with someone not from… my crowd."

"What would you classify 'your crowd' as?" Gwen asked.

"Obnoxious," Arthur replied instantly, which made her laugh. "That sounds like a joke, but I'm serious. We're loud and annoying and talk about people behind their back and think we're better than everyone. I mean, I don't, but I know guys and girls who do. And we throw massive parties and purposefully don't invite people just to be mean. We're obnoxious."

"You think you're the only people who throw parties?" Gwen questioned.

"I… thought we might be?" Arthur answered hesitantly.

"Lance has thrown so many parties with just tutors invited, it's insane. It's crazy. We don't drink as much as you do, probably, but… people do drink. And we play math games and that sounds dumb, but it's really fun." Gwen smiled and tucked a strand of hair behind her ear, then bit her lip. "That… sounds nerdy. Oh my. We play math drinking games. Dear god."

Arthur laughed. "You drink?" he asked.

She shook her head. He wasn't surprised. "I have diet coke or sprite. Lance and Will are the only people who drink heavily. Merlin's drank a couple times, but not much. It's only about ten people. But we do it very often."

"Where's my invite?" Arthur said with a chuckle.

Gwen shrugged but smiled too. "Next time we have one, I'll tell Lance to invite you."

"Sounds good."

He worked in silence for the next couple of minutes, writing down sequences of numbers and then scribbling them out or erasing them. Gwen hummed to herself or doodled flowers on the margin in her notebook (she finished her homework in the first five minutes), then eventually she pulled out her phone. Curious to see who she was texting, he saw a contact name – 'Brother Dearest', followed by two hearts. Gwen had a brother? Arthur didn't know that. He never came up in conversation.

"Do you have any siblings?" Arthur asked somewhat abruptly.

Gwen looked caught off-guard for a second then nodded. "Yeah, I have an older brother named Elyan," she answered. "He's taking a gap year right now, but he's going to University of Camelot with me in the fall. He's travelling right now. Never know where he is half the time." She laughed, but it sounded somewhat melancholy, and turned to him. "What about you? Do you have any siblings?"

"No," Arthur said as he shook his head. "I wish. I have my dog, Excalibur, but that's about it. My mom… died after I was born.

"Oh my god, Arthur, I'm so sorry." She put a hand on his forearm and squeezed it. When they both looked down at it, he glanced up at her and they made eye contact before she pulled it away nervously and clasped both her hands together in her lap. "My… mom died. When I was very young." She looked away. "I know how that feels."

It was silent for a while.

"Plans for after high school?" Arthur asked.

"Engineering," Gwen replied. "And yourself?"

"I'm… not sure yet."

Gwen stared at him. "You're not sure?"

Arthur nodded. "I… am good at football. And that's it." He slid the piece of paper back over to her. He had managed to double-check his answers and was sure he was correct. "And if I don't get a scholarship, then… I'm out of luck."

Gwen furrowed her eyebrows. "Your plan is to hope for a scholarship? There's nothing else you could do? Like teaching?"

"My dad is the CEO of a massive company," Arthur replied. "If his son was a teacher, I think he'd kill himself. Or me."

The girl frowned. "And there's nothing else you'd want to do?" she asked, running her pencil down the sheet of paper as she corrected his answers.

"I don't really do anything other than play football." Arthur shrugged. "I don't know. I… don't know."

Gwen looked at him. "I hope you find something."

"Me too."

* * *

That had been true when he told her. Arthur didn't do anything besides play football. At least not anymore.

Arthur had always had a somewhat secret knack for writing. Be it short stories, or poetry, English class was pretty much the only class he did well in. No, that was an understatement – he _excelled_ in it. His English teachers from grade four onwards praised the things he had written. However, no matter what, Uther seemed unimpressed with all of the compliments he received about Arthur's writing… so, with that, a part of Arthur decided that it didn't mean much and stopped writing just for fun. He wrote for school, but he didn't really think about it at all outside of assignments.

But they started a new poetry unit this week and their first assignment was to write about something that had happened recently. A pretty easy topic, most people would think, but Arthur didn't find his life exciting enough to write about. He thought about writing about impending graduation, which terrified him like nothing else, but he didn't want to rhyme 'grad' with 'bad', so that idea was scrapped pretty early on. And his dog was fine, and his father was fine, and all his friends were fine, and football season hadn't even started (not to mention, writing about playing football would be boring and wouldn't sound poetic no matter what). And so he sat at his desk at home all Saturday night thinking and thinking and brainstorming and then… he just started writing, and couldn't stop. He barely even knew what he was writing about until he was done and he read it over and then it hit him. He had written about Gwen.

 _Oh god, is that ever creepy_ , he thought to himself.

But then he read it again, and read it again, and he kept re-reading it until he decided 'damn, this is good'. And it said everything he couldn't even explain using normal, human sentences that had to make sense. It expressed everything, somehow, through adjectives and verbs he wouldn't use in normal conversations and didn't even know he knew how to spell properly and, to be frank, didn't even know he knew them at all. It was… really damn good. And he didn't say that about anything he did. But he was really proud of it.

And then he found himself composing more poetry in his head for the following week. On Tuesday after school, he went out and bought himself a notebook solely to write poetry in. And it wasn't all about Gwen once he got started, no, it was about the future and about the past and yes, there was something about graduation but the word "bad" was nowhere on the paper. His teacher had given him 100 percent on the first poem and that just made him want to write more. All of his past love for writing kind of… came back all at once in a sort of cheesy, romantic-comedy type rush, although it wasn't feelings for a person that came back to him. How had he ever given this up? It was… so… relieving. And he felt like he deserved to be proud of himself for something.

So when he told Gwen he didn't really do anything besides play football, it hadn't been a lie. But now, two weeks later, he had found something to do.

And it was great.

* * *

 _Text to Gwen, 5:09 pm_

 _Hey, we haven't talked for a couple days. How've ya been?_

 _Text from Gwen, 6:01 pm_

 _Oh, hey! Sorry, I've been busy, but fine. How about you?_

 _Text to Gwen, 6:09 pm_

 _Great! How's tutoring been?_

 _Text from Gwen, 6:11 pm_

 _It's been… good. A lot of waiting around, lol, but that's to be expected. How about you?_

Arthur was thinking of something to say in response when another text came in.

 _Text from Gwen, 6:12 pm_

 _Miss me yet?_

Arthur laughed.

 _Text to Gwen, 6:14 pm_

 _More than youd think. We should go out to lunch tomorrow – I'll buy._

There was a really long pause in between messages and he was starting to think he said the wrong thing when a new message arrived.

 _Text from Gwen, 6:17 pm_

 _Yes, I would love to! Can we meet at the library?_

 _Text to Gwen, 6:19 pm_

 _Sounds great, see you then._

He didn't stop smiling for the rest of the night.

* * *

hope you're all enjoying the story! :)


	4. Chapter Four

im sorry about the delay in update again! i update my profile whenever i dont update for a while so if you want to see whats going on, info will be available on there :) thanks, as always, for reading, and i hope you guys are having a wonderful august!

* * *

 **Chapter Four**

Lunch had been amazing, of course, but that wasn't a surprise. Arthur and Gwen had met at the library at 12:30, then walked to a diner nearby that Arthur went to a lot with the guys after games. They made small talk while they walked – they talked about the pep rally, which was later in the next week and Gwen had no plan on going to, but Arthur tried to convince her; they talked about the weather, about Merlin, about Morgana and Val, and then they somehow ended up on the topic of dogs verses cats by the time they walked through the door.

"But cats are smaller," Gwen said objectively, taking off her coat and sitting down in a booth at the back of the restaurant. Arthur slid in across from her and slipped his coat off too.

"Exactly my point," Arthur replied. "You can rest your head on dogs like a pillow. You can't do that to cats without being afraid of crushing them."

"I suppose that's true," Gwen responded, " _but_ cats sleep all the time, and that's really good for low-maintenance people."

"You said you have a cat, right?" Arthur asked.

"Yes," Gwen told him.

"What's its name?"

"Uh…"

Arthur grinned. "Come on, Gwen," he coaxed.

"Mordred…" Gwen said quietly.

"Mordred? Really?" Arthur leaned back. "That's a nice name, I like it."

"He's very friendly… when he's not napping on my pillow," Gwen giggled.

"Mordred and Gwen," Arthur repeated. "Now, do you two spend Saturday nights on the couch, sharing popcorn and watching soap operas?"

"Don't forget doing our nails and putting on face masks," Gwen joked.

After ordering their food from the waiter, they talked non-stop basically the entire afternoon. School was their most frequent topic, but they were both students and met through the tutoring system, so it was expected that it was going to be a common subject. They talked a little bit about their childhood and Arthur talked about his friendship with Morgana in a bit more detail than he had when they first discussed it, but eventually they drifted to the topic of Lancelot and how, apparently, Gwen used to be infatuated with him. When she first mentioned it, she tried to change the subject, but Arthur was not having any of that. He said anything he could to try and weasel the information out of her. Part of him was curious, but the bigger part of him just wanted to be assured that she didn't still have feelings for Lance. Not that Arthur expected her to like him, but if she liked another guy, he would definitely feel jealous and probably not like that person as much anymore.

"We hit it off the first day of freshman year," she explained. "Yenno, just kind of that bond you make with the people you first talk to in high school, 'cause everyone's scared but you and that person were scared together. For that year, we were pretty much inseparable. We went out on the weekends, hung out at each other's houses alone, spent basically every free second in and out of school with or talking to each other. And then someone told him that everyone in our grade though we were dating, and then he stopped talking to me as much. We're still friends now, but not as close. It kind of… scared him, I think. And he never liked me, at least not as much as I liked him."

"Do you still like him?" Arthur blurted out.

Gwen shook her head. "No," she told him. "I did for a really long time after our… what should I call it… Our best friend break-up, I suppose." She shrugged and took a sip from her milkshake. "But not anymore. I moved on. We're better like this, anyway. I don't like it when people can't make time for me."

Arthur nodded. "I get that completely."

"What about you?" Gwen asked. "Any special girl in your life?"

Arthur shook his head. "Ah, not really," he told her, twirling a french fry in between his fingers. "There's been a couple cheerleaders, a bartender from the nightclub down the street, one – no, three of the waitresses at Hooter's-" Gwen reached across the table to smack his arm. "Ow!"

"Tell me you're kidding," Gwen said, laughing but looking mildly concerned as she leaned back in her seat.

"Of course," Arthur chuckled. "Hasn't been anyone since Cindy in second grade."

Gwen clicked her tongue. "I'm surprised," she remarked. "Big, buff quarterback and no girlfriend? What's wrong with you that no girl has snatched you up?"

Arthur shrugged. "Girls _like_ me," he said, trying not to sound cocky or arrogant. This failed miserably, so he continued on to say, "I think. I mean, they hit on me. But I like to be friends first. Have that connection and then… go from there, I suppose."

"I get that completely," Gwen said.

"What about now?" Arthur asked. "After Lance? No one?"

Gwen shook her head and laughed. "I don't really have time for a boyfriend."

Arthur could feel his face fall in disappointment but tried to hide it by nodding.

"And, I-I don't know… I'm very particular about that sort of thing. I only… want to date if there's a possibility that I could marry the person in the future if we stay together that long. I want someone I would want to live the rest of my life with. I don't want to date just because I can, you know? It's a waste of time, I guess. I don't know. It's complicated. Sorry." She ran her hands down her cheeks and across her face like she was tired, but Arthur had seen her do this a couple times to know she just did it out of bad habit sometimes when she felt like she was talking too much.

"No, no, that makes a lot of sense," Arthur told her. "I feel the same. I mean, I don't want to date a girl who doesn't like me for me, but just wants to… date my popularity, I suppose you could say. I want someone who likes me for… everything I am and is fine with all my quirks and flaws and… someone I could spend the rest of my life with and be happy with."

"Yes, exactly!" Gwen said. "Yes, that's how I feel exactly. Ugh, I've never met someone who feels the same way."

"I've never even had a girlfriend," Arthur mumbled.

"I've never had a boyfriend, either," Gwen responded with a shy smile.

As they walked together back to the library, they moved so close their shoulders were brushing, and all Arthur wanted to do was hold her hand, but he knew he couldn't. She… didn't have time for a boyfriend. No matter what she said at lunch, he knew she didn't like him. And besides, she deserved someone who was wise and would treat her right and would make her lots of money… and Arthur didn't think he could give her that. His future wasn't bright, and hers was, and he would just slow her down. They couldn't have a future together. He wanted to be happy with her, but she would be happier with someone like her. Someone smart. The blond boy gave her a warm smile as they parted.

Maybe he wouldn't date her and maybe he wouldn't marry her, but he would be happy if they were friends from here on out.

* * *

 _Text from Merlin, 4:45 pm_

 _Gwen told me about lunch_

 _Text to Merlin, 5:03 pm_

 _Neat_

 _Text from Merlin, 5:15 pm_

 _If you use her or hurt her, I swear to god, Arthur_

 _Text to Merlin, 5:21 pm_

 _What?_

 _Text from Merlin, 5:26 pm_

 _Do you like her?_

 _Text to Merlin, 5:32 pm_

 _So a boy and girl cant be friends and go out for lunch as friends?_

 _Text from Merlin, 5:33 pm_

 _Of course they can, but you have plenty of female friends and you've never taken them out for lunch_

 _Text to Merlin, 5:41 pm_

 _Gwen is nice and sweet and fun to hang out with. Shes probably the closest female friend ive ever had. Im not trying to bang her, if that's what youre thinking_

 _Text from Merlin, 5:45 pm_

 _Id take her side in a breakup_

 _Text to Merlin, 5:51 pm_

 _Way to make your friend feel like theyre nothing to you lol_

 _Text from Merlin, 5:52 pm_

 _No Arthur that's not what I meant_

 _Text to Merlin, 5:54 pm_

 _Pray tell merlin, what did you mean_

 _Text from Merlin, 5:56 pm_

 _I meant that she wouldn't hurt you, ever. I know her philosophies on relationships, and she won't date someone unless she feels like she could be with them forever. If she dates you, shes wants you guys to last. I don't want you to break her heart_

 _Text to Merlin, 5:58 pm_

 _I feel the exact same about relationships, did you know that? That's why I don't date all the cheerleaders who hit on me and ask me to go to their house alone after football games. I want a relationship to mean something and Ill only commit to a relationship if I feel like theres a chance it wont end. I don't like losing people, Merlin, friends or more than friends. Ive lost enough people this lifetime. Id never hurt her, either_

 _Text from Merlin, 6:06 pm_

 _… So do you like her_

 _Text to Merlin, 6:07 pm_

 _MERLIN_

* * *

"I had to literally get on my knees to beg Gaius to let me tutor today," Merlin told Arthur as he swung his messenger bag off of his shoulder. "You better be grateful."

Arthur rolled his eyes. "Of course I am, Merlin."

Arthur had two assignments to work on, but he was already half-finished them and was doing well (well, he felt good about them, at least) so Merlin and him worked on their own thing for a while. Merlin said he had English homework anyway and was happy to be sitting in the silence of the library as opposed to working at the hospital handing apple juice out to kids in paper cups. And it definitely was silent. The only noise was the occasional shuffle of papers or the constant scratching of pencil against paper, and a couple of times Merlin started humming but Arthur had to shoot him a glare to get him to shut up. Arthur was scared Merlin would bring up Gwen but he didn't did, which was a relief. Arthur didn't want to be asked about her because he knew he would get nervous and tongue-tied and the beans would be spilled. And Merlin was the last person he wanted to find out about his feelings. When he was done with his work, he handed it to Merlin to mark and sat in his seat, twiddling his thumbs before excusing himself to use the washroom.

He went really quickly and washed his hands after then stared at his reflection in the mirror, running a hand through his hair. He had been working on a new poem all night last night, about the complications of math and how it felt when he didn't understand it, and he stayed up until 2 before he finally blacked out. He had tried to scribble down a couple lines in between classes today as they came to him, but he wasn't really having anything good pop into his head. It was frustrating. All he needed was a finishing line, but he couldn't think of one that left an impact. It had been bothering him all day. Maybe he should forget about it and focus on his actual work… Arthur never tried that hard and stayed up that late to put in work for an actual class – which was kind of funny, when he thought about it, but also very worrying and he wished it was the other way around. Speaking of work for an actual class, he had a tutor to get back to. He pulled on his cheeks and smacked his face a couple times before turning away from the mirror and pushing the door open and making his way back to Merlin.

There were more checks than exes on his paper when he returned which was a very nice surprise, and Merlin seemed rather impressed. "You're getting better," Merlin told him, a slight hint of bragging in his voice. "Looks like I've been helping you more than you think."

Arthur almost mentioned that it was probably Gwen and not him who were helping more, but what good would that do? "Definitely, man, thanks for the help," Arthur said, patting his back as he sat down. Now it was Merlin's turn to be surprised.

"What?"

"What do you mean what?"

"You said thank you."

"And?"

"You never say thank you."

Arthur shrugged. "Exactly," he replied. "I don't say it enough. I told Gwen and I told you that I'm in relationships for the long run. I don't want use to stop being friends because I don't thank you enough." This wasn't a lie, it was true. Especially since their little scuffle the other day, Arthur didn't want Merlin to think he didn't like and appreciate him. He had never really thought about it before, but it was so easy to lose people. He lost his mother, and he basically lost Morgana, and he lost about a million friendships from kindergarten to high school. Gwen had lost her mother, and she had pretty much lost Lance and her brother, too. He didn't really want to lose anyone else.

Merlin smiled. "You're gonna be even more thankful later," he remarked, half to himself and half to Arthur.

"What do you mean?" Arthur asked, now confused.

"I – uh, I mean when exam season comes around. Those darn equations, am I right?" Merlin told him awkwardly.

"Are you under a curse or something?" Arthur questioned. "You're acting strange."

"I was thrown off by you being nice all of a sudden," Merlin said defensively. "Maybe it's you who has a spell cast on him."

"Yeah, Merlin, that's it," Arthur chuckled.

"But thanks, by the way, for… saying thank you," Merlin told Arthur. "And I want to be friends as long as possible, too, if I don't eventually get tired of your toad-like face."

"If I'm a toad, than you're a rat," Arthur responded.

"Fair enough," Merlin replied.

The two grinned at each other for a minute, and then Arthur looked down at his paper.

"…Anyway," Merlin said, "back to what I was saying a million years ago, you're definitely improving. There are some things that you need to work on, but for the most part, its small errors that's screwing you up. Take this, for example…"

* * *

 _Text from Morgana, 10:13 pm_

 _Val forgot to ask if you wanted to come to the diner with us tomorrow after school? You can bring friends if you want_

 _Text to Morgana, 10:15 pm_

 _Dentist appointment, sorry! Thank Val for the invite_

 _Text from Morgana, 10:16 pm_

 _Gwens coming ;)_

 _Text to Morgana, 10:21 pm_

 _That's awesome, I hope you guys have fun :)_

 _Text from Morgana, 10:23 pm_

 _We should all hang out sometime, you and me and Val and Gwen_

 _Text to Morgana, 10:25 pm_

 _When I'm not getting holes drilled into my mouth, sure_

 _Text from Morgana, 10:27 pm_

 _Great :)_


	5. Chapter Five

unfortunately this fic is going to get bad before it gets better but we only have too more chapters to go! whos ready for a happy ending ;)

* * *

 **Chapter Five**

He lost it.

Oh dear Lord, he lost his notebook.

After saying goodnight to Gwen and Merlin, Arthur plugged his phone into the charger and made his way over to his backpack to pull out his notebook. And it wasn't in the normal slot of his bag, which was weird, but he decided that he probably just jammed it in with his binder – English was his last class of the day, after all, and he vaguely remembered working on it at the end of the day. Except it wasn't in there. Not tucked into his binder, not slid into his textbooks, not hidden in some mysterious pocket he accidentally shoved it into. It was missing. And he searched all around his room for it, under all his papers and in his bookshelf and in his trash can, in case he pulled it out while in an unconscious, dreamlike state that he didn't remember and did something with it, but it was nowhere to be found.

What did a heart attack feel like? Did it feel like this?

 _Boy, would this feeling ever make a good poem,_ Arthur thought to himself as the panic begun to set in.

If someone found that… they would see everything he had written into it over the past two or three weeks. All of the poems about school, about his father, about his fears and dreams and about his life and about Gwen. And it wasn't obvious that it was about her, of course, it's not like he said her name or anything. But if someone he knew had it, someone who went to his school, it would only take a little bit of sleuthing to decode who it was about. And no one could know how he felt about Gwen. They just started to become close friends, and if someone told her that Arthur liked her or that people thought they were dating, what if she pulled a Lancelot and stopped talking to him as much? What if she had already been told? What if someone was going to tell her tomorrow?

Oh God.

This was a nightmare.

He sat down at the foot of his bed and put his face into his hands. He had to retrace his footsteps throughout the day or otherwise he would just spend the rest of his life guessing. He didn't work on it in math because he had too much work to do. After math was gym, and he knew for a fact he didn't work on it then, and then he had biology and they did a dissection today so he didn't have time to even think about it without accidentally cutting open that poor pig's brain. Then it was lunch and after lunch was psychology, and if his teacher had caught him working on it she would have not only read it to the class, but she would've given him detention too, so that wasn't possible. At the end of the day was English, but that wasn't the last time he worked on it, that much he knew. He remembered working on it and getting interrupted and then having to hide it…

Oh God.

The library.

 _With Merlin._

Arthur knew for a fact he didn't leave it there. He packed everything he had near him up in his bag, and the notebook wasn't in there when he last checked and there was no hidden place in his bag where it could be. And then suddenly everything was rushing back to him. He had tucked it under his work when Merlin walked up and didn't touch it, didn't even think about it, until now, because was missing, except now he knew where it had to be. Merlin had to have it, didn't he? Some magical fairy didn't just snatch it up and one of them was always there with their things.

Merlin had to have taken it.

* * *

 _Text to Merlin, 12:16 am_

 _Did you take my notebook?_

 _Text from Merlin, 12:17 am_

 _No, what notebook?_

 _Text to Merlin, 12:18 am_

 _Don't pretend like you don't know, I was working on it at the library yesterday and it wasn't in my bag last night_

 _Text from Merlin, 12:21 am_

 _Maybe you left it_

 _Text to Merlin, 12:22 am_

 _I would remember seeing it on the table! Its important and its mine and I need it back_

 _Text from Merlin, 12:23 am_

 _… Okay how mad would you b if I told you I read it_

 _Text to Merlin, 12:24 am_

 _WHAT_

 _Text from Merlin, 12:24 am_

 _Curiosity got the best of me and I couldn't help it! Your good at writing_

 _Text to Merlin, 12:25 am_

 _That is an INVASION OF MY PRIVACY_

 _Text from Merlin, 12:27 am_

 _Why is it so bad to admit that you write poetry about Gwen?_

 _Text to Merlin, 12:29 am_

 _If you told her I swear to god_

 _Text from Merlin, 12:31 am_

 _…._

 _Text to Merlin, 12:32 pm_

 _MERLIN I SWEAR_

 _Text from Merlin, 12:33 am_

 _She likes you a lot, Arthur, a lot a lot and I thought maybe If I told her about it shed do something about it and wouldn't be so scared to ask you out anymore! I was doing it for you so you two could be together!_

 _Text to Merlin, 12:34 am_

 _Oh my god I cant believe it_

 _Text from Merlin, 12:36 am_

 _She is still a little unsure, because she wants to see for herself_

 _Text to Merlin, 12:40 am_

 _Im never speaking to you again, what if she TELLS PEOPLE I WROTE POETRY OH MY GOD_

 _Text from Merlin, 12:41 am_

 _Arthur, I'm sorry! She would never tell anyone_

 _Text to Merlin, 12:45 am_

 _And I thought youd never do anything like this to betray me but here we are, Merlin_

 _Text from Merlin, 12:47 am_

 _Arthur, please…_

* * *

Arthur had no idea what he was going to do once he got to school but he knew he needed to do something as he marched up the stairs to the second floor corridor where Merlin's locker was at 7:58 the next morning. He couldn't let Merlin get away with this… he wasn't going to beat him up or anything, he knew that, but how was he supposed to trust Merlin? How was he supposed to be comfortable around him?

It's not that he wasn't relieved to hear Gwen liked him, he was, and it was an amazing feeling, but he also… couldn't. He couldn't be with her. He wasn't afraid of what people would say, or any reactions people might have, but quite some time ago he had come to the realization that he was too insecure to be in a relationship with her. He wasn't good enough for her. He wasn't smart enough for her. He was, evidently, bad at handling relationships and was very forgetful and would probably end up forgetting their anniversary. And he didn't want to hurt her. And he was so afraid he would hurt her that he would rather not have the chance to hurt her at all. And he wouldn't even be able to talk to her anymore, now that she knew, because he was so embarrassed.

Oh, Merlin…

Arthur turned the corner only to see Merlin at his locker, and before Arthur could take two steps in that direction Gwen started walking down the hallway towards the black-haired boy. Swiftly, Arthur turned on his heel in the other direction and went back down the staircase. But he didn't walk away completely. Curiosity got the best of him and, without so much as a moment's hesitation, he spun around and poked his head around the corner of the wall and watched his two friends converse at Merlin's locker. It seemed fine. It seemed normal. Until Merlin pulled out his phone and started showing Gwen pictures on it. Oh God, it was the poems. He couldn't see them, but he knew it was. Oh God.

Arthur didn't want to be here anymore. He turned around for the last time in minutes and made his way to his first period class.

 _Voicemail from Gwen, 9:51 pm_

 _"Hey Arthur, it's Gwen… you haven't answered my texts or calls all day and I'm worried? I couldn't even find you at lunch and I just want to make sure you're okay… It's unusual for you not to reply and I can't help but wonder if I did something wrong? Anyway, call me back when you get this, please… Goodnight, Arthur."_

He didn't call back. He couldn't.

He couldn't even bare to look at her in the eye now, especially since he knew now how she felt about him too. He was ecstatic she liked him back, but he was awful for her. He would only drag her down. And those poems? The most embarrassing thing he had ever written about anyone. He was so embarrassed; all he thought about was how flustered she had probably been when she read them. She probably thought he was a freak for writing such romantic things about someone he wasn't in a relationship with. She probably told all of the tutors already and – oh God, what if she told Lance? Arthur felt like vomiting. No one could know about this. No one.

He would have to ignore her until it blew over.

As much as he hated to.

* * *

A couple days passed and Arthur was still mad at Merlin and weird about Gwen and had hardly talked to either of them since. Gwen saw him in the hallway earlier that day and she looked like she almost said something, but they were on opposite sides and he was at his locker, and there was a second of hesitation before she decided against it. It broke his heart. But he had to. He knew he would just end up breaking hers.

She texted him later that day, nothing too long, and didn't call him, and her text read:

 _Text from Gwen, 7:39 pm_

 _Whatever I did, whatever I said… I'm sorry._

And then again later that day, another text came in:

 _Text from Merlin, 8:18 pm_

 _Ignoring her won't help, Arthur. Suck it up. Stop being such an asshole, the guy you've tried so hard to show everyone you're not, and talk to her._

…

He…

Couldn't.


	6. Chapter Six

dRUMROLL FOR THE SECOND TO LAST CHAPTER PLS AND I HOPE YOU ALL ENJOY :D

* * *

 **Chapter Six**

Arthur refused to do this anymore. He refused to ignore her.

At the beginning, he thought it would be a good idea, and an easy one. Ignore her completely and the feelings would go away, and then he wouldn't have to risk breaking her heart, or having her leave him when she realized he wasn't good enough. It was the best plan, he thought, she would realize how bright of a future she had compared to his most-likely-to-be-dull one, and then she would move on, and he would move on, and then they could go back to being friends. And sure, he was acting like a dick and he hated himself for it, but he would hate himself even more if he ruined her. And he didn't trust himself not to.

But… what Merlin said one of the first days really got to him. He had tried so hard to show everyone he wasn't one of those douchebags who led girls on, or one of those typical jocks. He had tried so hard to show everyone he was different. That he was nice. That he was kind. That he was a nice boy. He had tried so hard to not be the type of guys he despised, like some of his teammates, who were rude and pushed nerds into lockers. He wasn't like them. He had tried so hard to be nice and to be someone people felt safe around.

Maybe his future wasn't bright. Maybe he wouldn't get a smart or well-paying job. Maybe he would have a lot of hard years, and maybe the world would make him cold, but Gwen made him feel fuzzy and happy and safe and made his cheeks feel warm and she gave him butterflies in his stomach he never wanted to go away and to think, she felt the same – or she had – was one of the best feelings Arthur had ever felt. Gwen liking him had shown him that maybe he wasn't so worthless or hopeless after all, and even if he was, she would have enough smarts for the both of them. And football wasn't the only thing he could do. He had helped people get through tough times before, like when Merlin's girlfriend moved, and when Lance was having trouble at home. And he could write, evidently, and apparently well, because Merlin had seemed impressed that first day. He was nice and kind and Gwen was wonderful and kind and made him feel like he was at home and he never wanted that feeling to go away.

Of course, he would always be afraid of hurting her, but he would never try. Ever. He wanted her to be happy. And he wanted to make her happy.

He felt like they could be… unstoppable together.

He just had to make sure he made up for the damage he had already so clearly done.

So, hands shaking and nerves higher than they were before the biggest football games, he spent half an hour composing a thoughtful text message he worried about being too sweet, but she deserved sweet. She deserved… better than how he had treated her, but he would make it up to her. Closing his eyes, he hit send. And then he collapsed into bed, exhausted from that day's work out.

* * *

 _Text to Gwen, 10:47 pm_

 _I screwed up. Okay? And I'm sorry. I think I was scared. That you wouldn't like me back. And I still am. But I'm scared that I'm not good enough for you and that you won't be happy with me and that I'll drag you down. But when it comes down to it, there's no one I'd rather find my meaning with than you and I know we haven't known each other for a very long time but… do you believe in soulmates? Because I think I'm starting to now. We just… fit. Everything is better when I'm with you. And you are sweet and funny and so intelligent and cute and you have the brightest future and there's no one else I want to see succeed and live fully more than I want you to and I want to be there for the whole ride. You are the ideal person I want to be with, and the fact that you feel the same about relationships makes me like you even more because I don't want someone to dump me six months after we start dating. I want to be with you and I want to make you happy._

 _Text to Gwen, 10:55 pm_

 _I hope you can forgive me. I know what I did was awful, but I was just scared. And I'm not scared anymore._

 _Text to Gwen, 11:01 pm_

 _I hope I don't sound too creepy._

 _Text to Gwen, 11:03 pm_

 _I'm sorry. Goodnight._

* * *

A letter slipped out of Gwen's locker the next day. Curious, she bent down and picked it up, staring at the fraying, dog-eared edges of the envelope before flipping it over. Her name was written in cursive, and in the corner, it read: From Arthur.

Her eyebrows knitted together. Wasn't he ignoring her? Or didn't want to waste his time with her when he could hang out with Morgana or some other girl? Wasn't that what was happening? He left, just like Lancelot did. He left and she… didn't think he was coming back. Despite the fact that he wrote poems about her and Merlin claimed Arthur liked her back, his actions were contrary to these words and she decided to not let it hurt her. No boy could hurt her anymore. She was better than that.

She just… hadn't expected him to leave so shortly after they became close.

The bell rang and she hurried to stuff it into one of her many textbooks before she practically ran down the hallways to first period. She missed Arthur, but he… wasn't what she expected, evidently. But he had been like that their entire relationship. Unpredictable. Although he would probably say the same about her. She had begun to realize that they were very similar – not their interests, but their… beliefs. All those things. They had the same feeling about relationships and got along so well and…

She thought they were going to end up together. But apparently not.

She tried not to think about the letter. _You've moved on,_ Gwen told herself, _and he's not going to come back. Elyan, Lance… They've moved on without you. And Arthur's just going to be another check on the list of people you've loved and lost because you weren't good enough._

And she wasn't good enough for Arthur. He was funny and kind and talented at so many things and friendly and so easy to talk to and he had such a bright future ahead of him. He could do anything he wanted. And what was Gwen going to do? Be an engineer, like her father, like so many other people in her family? She was boring. She was boring and Arthur wasn't and he would just end up hating her. She didn't want to be hated by him. Although she felt like she was right now.

At least it was a relief he started to hate her before they started dating, right? Better before anything happens than after three years. At least that's what she kept telling herself. Deep down there was a part of her that wanted to at least give it a shot. She had loved Lance, she really had, but Arthur was… different. They barely knew each other but Gwen felt like they had been friends forever. Everything with him was natural. And it felt right. And Gwen was the type of person who despised feeling wrong.

And it wouldn't be like that forever. He was too good for her. Too good. And she couldn't lose someone else.

But she couldn't stop thinking about the letter.

So later that night, at approximately 10:45 pm, she opened it up and pulled out the letter (she had a thing about keeping time. Making schedules. That's another about Arthur – she didn't care about the time or what they did because he was so thrilling and exciting, she could be with him forever). And it was… a poem. And it looked… new. The writing was a messy scrawl and the ink looked smudged and there was a date in the corner that matched today's date and everything was in Arthur's writing. This came directly from him. Oh God.

 _Gwen,_

 _I don't know if you got my texts but I can barely sleep and I thought maybe I'd show you more of the poetry side of me… this time from myself. I hope you know how sorry I am and I hope you can forgive me and I hope there's a part of you that wants to be with me too. Anyway, enough rambling, here's a poem. Again, I'm sorry, but… give me a second chance. Please._

 _Love, Arthur_

She hadn't gotten any texts. Her phone was essentially broken and only calls came through because she couldn't get past the lock screen and she hadn't know he texted. Oh God.

Well, the poem was sitting there out in the open and she didn't want to leave it unread.

 _I have this affinity of screwing things up_

 _The tendency to let people down_

 _But I want nothing more than you make you smile_

 _And fix all of your frowns_

That was so cheesy and so adorable she started to tear up. Oh God. He wasn't like anyone else in her life. He was different than anyone. She should've know he'd never have meant to hurt her. He wasn't like that. She knew that. She knew that.

She couldn't read the rest without giggling and crying so hurriedly, she ran down the stairs to her home phone, picked it up and dialed Merlin's number. It was the only number she knew off by heart (Merlin was the person her texts were most frequent and constant with) and she nervously tapped her foot against the kitchen floor as she waited for him to answer. Please, please answer she begged him silently. She had to call Arthur. She couldn't wait until tomorrow.

"Gwen, it's –"

"Merlin, I know you're trying to sleep, but Arthur talked to me."

She could hear a muffled movement she guessed to be Merlin sitting up from his bed in surprise. "He did?"

"Well, he didn't talk," she told him, "but he put a letter in my locker. And apologized. And apparently he texted me but-"

"You're phone's not working. Of course now it's not working."

"I know!" Gwen laughed. Merlin and her always got exasperated over the same things. That's why they were such good friends. "Can you give me his number?"

"Gwen, are you sure?"

"Merlin, everyone who leaves me doesn't come back. But he's back and I want to talk to him so badly I feel like I'm about to burst."

"Okay, Gwen, okay…"

* * *

"- And I was afraid I wasn't good enough for you. And I would only drag you down because your future is so bright."

"I felt the exact same!"

"But you're smart!" Arthur protested.

"But you're good at everything! You're smart too, you just have to apply yourself. And you're friendly and you are so good at football and you don't need a scholarship. You could get into so many schools. I know you can."

"I didn't think you would like me back."

"I didn't think you would like me back either." Gwen bit her lip.

"And the poems…?"

"The sweetest things I've ever read."

"Oh God, that's what I was trying to avoid hearing," Arthur mumbled, pushing his face into his hands.

"Why?" Gwen giggled.

"Because I'm so embarrassed that you like them. And that you read enough of them to think they were good."

"I love them," Gwen laughed. "I love…"

"What?" Arthur was looking at her again.

"I love that we're not stopping this. Stopping us." Hesitantly she reached across the table and grabbed his hand. "You are everything I could ask for in a person. Everything I look for. And it feels right to be with you."

"You aren't afraid I'm going to hurt you?"

"Are you afraid you'll hurt me?"

"I don't know. I think so."

"Well," Gwen began, "the only way you could hurt me is if you ignore me again. There's nothing else you could do to hurt me."

"You won't think that in a month," Arthur said.

"I will," Gwen assured him. "I will because the fact that you are apologizing for this now shows me that you don't have a purposefully mean bone in your body. And if you do something that hurts me, I know you'll try and make it better. That's who you are. And I like who you are. And you're the best person for me."

"Are you sure?"

"I want to be with you. Do I need to make it rhyme for you to understand, or…?"

Arthur pulled his hand away and pretended to be upset while Gwen laughed. "Shut up,"

"Never," she chirped.

"So we're good?" he asked a little while later. "Because I feel bad."

"Don't," she told him. "I felt the same. You didn't want to get hurt and didn't want to hurt someone else. I didn't want to either. But maybe our fear will cancel everything else out and… Sorry, I don't know how to put this in a good way, I'm bad with cancelling real things out."

"'Math Genius Can't Cancel'," Arthur said in a mock TV-reporter voice. "More news at 8."

Gwen laughed. "Shut up."

"Never."


	7. Final Chapter

thanks to everyone who stuck by this story bc its an idea ive had forever and i never thought id actually finish it :) thanks to everyone who reviewed, favourited, and followed, and if you like my stuff, pretty much everything else i write is arthur and gwen ;) thanks once more and i love you allllllll! without further ado, here is the final chapter of guilty pleasures -

* * *

 **Chapter Seven**

Arthur was so nervous. Gwen slipped her hand into his.

"You don't have to do this," she told him.

"I want to," Arthur said. "I really do."

She smacked his butt playfully. "Then get up there and do it, my prince. The crowd awaits."

(There cutesy names for each other were prince and princess. It made Merlin want to vomit, but they didn't care. They thought it was cute.)

It was open mic night at the diner where Gwen and Arthur had their first date and Arthur was going to recite some of his best pieces of poetry. After three months of sitting together in his room, writing things together (well, Arthur writing and Gwen helping with rhyming words), he decided that this is what he wanted to do after high school. Writing competitions, poetry classes, open mic nights like this one, and things like that. He was sick of football. He didn't want to play it forever. But poetry… it got more and more exciting the more he wrote. Like there was a million different techniques and tricks and words he wanted to use. He felt nerdy but then Gwen reassured him that playing math-related drinking games was even nerdier and he felt better. Not that it was bad to be a nerd, anyway.

And they decided that he was going to tell everyone about it. So he told Morgana and Val and they were… cool with it. In disbelief, until he showed them some poems he had been working on, but then they were cool with it. And no one… cared. Maybe the guys on the football team made fun of him, but who cared? He had the best girlfriend and he was going through a really good time in his life and nothing could bring him down.

Gwen had suggested the mic night to the owner of the diner because they had grown rather close, seeing as her and Arthur went there almost every single day after school or after football practice or on the weekends to get food. Their goal was to go through everything on the menu and to never order the same thing twice, and while Gwen had given into her chicken finger cravings the second week, Arthur was still going strong. The owner thought it was a brilliant idea and immediately started organizing it and tonight was the night.

He wasn't alone, either. His friends were doing things too. Well, they had done them, already. He wanted to go last. Before him, Gwen and Morgana sang a hilariously off key version of some sort of duet from a musical they both loved, Merlin and Lancelot did a skit they apparently wrote at one of their tutor-only (and Arthur) parties that was about two knights fighting over the last piece of meat, and Val… well, Val surprised everyone by playing guitar and singing "Here Comes the Sun" by the Beatles which was actually pretty amazing. Now it was Arthur's turn. And he was so nervous. So nervous.

When he told his dad he didn't want to play football and that he wrote poetry, Uther was… turned off at first and probably thought it was weird, but he just didn't talk about it anymore after that. Which was a relief. His father didn't seem like Gwen much either, however, which is also weird, but Arthur stopped caring what his dad thought. He wanted to be happy and if his dad wanted to be a part of that, then he would have to suck it up. But for now, Uther didn't. Eventually he'd come around.

The lights were bright (Arthur wasn't quite sure how they maneuvered the original lighting of the restaurant to create a spotlight, although he wasn't questioning it) and his palms were sweaty and he felt like he was going to fall over with fear. But it was just kids from school, he tried to tell himself. Just kids from school and no one else.

"Hello, everyone, I'm Arthur Pendragon and today I'm going to be reciting a poem I wrote called 'Guilty Pleasures'. I seemed to have developed a lot of those this year…" The crowd laughed, Arthur looked backstage and Gwen gave him a quick thumbs up.

He was so thankful that he found her and that she was a part of the reason he had finally found what he wanted to do with his life. That he found out what he wanted his future made up of. Gwen was his greatest pleasure, although he didn't feel guilty about it anymore. He felt… happy. And fulfilled. More than he had in a long time.

He cleared his throat and began: _"There once was a boy named Merlin, who always seemed to be late to everything…"_


End file.
